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hugging yourself

Something I did recently was apologize to myself. I don’t know if this is news to you, but it was to me. I was having a shitty day and was really stuck in a depressed state. I was saying a few things to myself that I became aware of in that moment that were pretty cruel. While sitting in my office chair, I was swirling back and forth in my fuzzy bathrobe, thinking a train of negative thoughts.

“Negative” as if to say mean things–things like, “you always try things and they never work”.

Things like, “You are screwed in life.”

And things like, “You’re too old to have what you want now…”

Then, suddenly, a voice inside said,

Wait a minute! Don’t say that! Apologize right now!

So, I manned up and told myself:

I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to be talked to that way. It’s not even true. I’m just upset and depressed and I’m just repeating some script I need to rewrite.”

Then I gave myself a hug and got up.

I know, it sounds corny, but well, in life the corniest things are the things that are true and effective.

So if you’ve been going through a rough time, remember–no matter how many people may love you or be around you, the reality is that you’re all you’ve got. You’re the only one who will be with you every minute, every experience and every moment..and every thought….so be good to yourself.

Until next time,
“Idomewed!”

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stress 2

A teen posted this tweet recently and it got me to thinking.

The tweet looked like this:

The Worst Feelings:

Cheated on
Replaced
Over-thinking
Lied to
Led on
Not appreciated
Not cared for
Being left out
Ignored
Worrying

I don’t think teens are the only ones whose emotions are running their lives.

I am definitely not exempt.

Well, I have my own list of feelings that you may not be consciously aware of that may be ruining your life:

abandoned
resentful
unloved
unappreciated
unworthy
unwanted
shame
embarrassment
guilt
powerless

How these may be ruining your life:

feeling abandoned: makes you feel and continue to manifest “being all alone in the world”. Life may always feel like an uphill battle-you know, the “nothing goes my way” experience. You may be in constant self-defense mode and struggle with trusting people.

feeling resentful: makes you feel and continue to manifest inner conflict. Usually the person is in a situation where they cannot immediately change or walk away. It may mean we feel victims of our situations and we despise those who we see as oppressing us.

feeling unloved: makes you feel and continue to manifest being unloved. You may wrestle with severe to mild depression, suicide or isolation. You may as a result feel as if you don’t matter, that you don’t have any value. You may feel heartbroken and emotionally weak and may put yourself in bad situations with people who mean you no good in your quest for the unconditional love you never received.

feeling unappreciated: makes you feel that no matter what you do, it’s never enough.

feeling unworthy: makes you feel that you don’t deserve to experience good in your life. This can manifest as self-sabotage when it comes to opportunities or relationships.

feeling unwanted: makes you feel unloved and unworthy. This may manifest in some form of rebellion from others since they never felt wanted anyway. A huge disconnect from the heart.

feeling shame: makes you feel perpetual guilt. You may view yourself as unworthy of anything good because you are bad for whatever it is you or someone else say you did “wrong”.

feeling embarrassment: you may feel super self-conscious about yourself or what you do. You may be a slave to what other people think of you.

feeling guilt: see shame.

feeling powerless: makes you feel as if you can’t do it; makes you feel as if you can’t succeed; makes you feel as if whatever you do, it’s never good enough; that your life is not under your control; that what works for everyone else won’t work for me. You may struggle with deep feelings of helplessness and “hating’ on people who do what you do but get what they want while you don’t.

More to come….
Peace

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Hey “Idomewedders”!

Check out my video to find out if you are a food snob:

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2014

It’s that time of year again: the start of a New Year.

It’s my favorite time of year, energetically speaking. As far as weather-it sucks. As I type this, my feet are wet from the ankle-high slippery brown slush covering the streets and the near-zero degree weather. But I relish the season of holiday cheer and love coupled with the spirit of new beginnings. Everyone is thinking about having a happy new year, they’re hopeful for change and are reflecting on the past year while setting goals for the one ahead. I’m like this all the time, so I like when others around me are “mandated” by the Gregorian calendar to do so, too.

Anyway (did I divert from the topic?) I’ve been thinking about what my new “non-negotiables” need to be for 2014. That is, if I want my life to be what I want and deserve it to be.

Then I thought, hey-why don’t I share that with the “Idomewed” gang?

Because as it goes, in my humble opinion, these are bucket list rules we can all use right now.

Non-negotiable #1: Upgrading our friends.

The people we have around us are CRITICAL to our happiness and our success in life-be it in relationships, career, money or whatever. We’ve got to purify our INNER CIRCLE- what I call my ALL-STAR team. These star players need to be on point in this game we call life. Too many of us have people who should be “riding the pine” as our All-star players and that’s why we’re losing. We should have Kobe Bryant but instead we’ve got the guy who sweeps the floors playing power forward. (It’s a Basketball analogy, so stay with me here.)

It’s time to upgrade. Negative people need to be fired from the team. So do complainers. And those who don’t believe in us. And those who don’t value us. It’s time to put it out into the Universe that we deserve and desire people around us who love us, respect us and bring value to our lives. Some friends are old and dear, and they need to be subtly demoted to the bench player. You may have known them since you were 5, but they may also be holding you back.

The “I do me wed” mentality is about loving ourselves in all ways. Part of this lifestyle of self-love is having a high standard for who we allow into our lives and how close they will be. We must value ourselves and when we do, we will have higher standards for who we have on our “All-Star Team”. Most of us just let anyone play, and this year we can no longer afford to continue having the wrong people, mediocre people, or destructive people around us.

Non-negotiable #2: Stop being scared.

We’ve made the goal lists. We’ve done the vision boards. Got real excited about change. Yadda-yadda ya. Now it’s time to take some action. It’s time to feel the fear and do it anyway. If we’re out there pursuing our dream, it’s time to take a big gulp and take things to the next level. Time to make some phone calls that makes you nervous, pitch your idea to someone who you are scared will say no, attend that networking meeting you’ve been making excuses about not attending. It’s not an option to stay cowering in fear because of the economy, or because we may fail. It’s time to wrap our minds and hearts around failure being a normal part of life and a stepping stone rather than a reason to quit. The way the world is going, we don’t have the option to quit or remain comfortable. There is no security as we’ve been sold. Our faith, creativity, and connection with ourselves and the universe is our only security.

Non-negotiable #3: Stop comparing ourselves to others.

Yes, I am guilty as charged. One of my biggest weaknesses is comparing my life to other’s. This New Year was difficult for me for that very reason. I was comparing my progress with the people around me and it seemed I was the biggest loser. This made me seriously depressed. Today I’m out of the hole, and I have decided that me continuing to compare myself is no longer an option. It seemed everyone around me was falling in love (with another person, not themselves). My best friend got engaged right at the New Year’s 12 AM fireworks. Some other people I know are also recently in relationships. I wasn’t (again, with another person romantically).

My depression came from comparing my situation to theirs. And it took some soul-searching to get grounded again. My circumstances are not theirs. My journey is not theirs. My timing is not theirs. We have to cease and desist from blaming ourselves for things not manifesting as fast or effortlessly as someone else’s does. This is toxic and it blocks our own flow.

Non-negotiable #4: Start giving things time to work.

Also guilty as charged. So many of us give up just before the miracle. We must dedicate ourselves to seeing things through. I have a bad habit of getting discouraged if I don’t see physical results in like, a week! I know, it’s pretty atrocious. But it’s a non-negotiable in 2014. We have to be determined and unrelenting to see the results more than how fast we see the results. I did a 20-day detox and lost no weight and was ready to throw in the towel. Mentally, it’s imperative for us to hit the RESET button every week or so to refresh our mental perspective. We need to mentally train ourselves to be patient with things and not give up. It’s an immature mindset and we need to upgrade how we operate.

I know for me, I’m the person who doesn’t like driving to new places. I have the map, the mapquest, the GPS and I still get anxious to the point where I turn around to stop for directions only to find I was almost there. The mall was just beyond the miles of trees but I got scared I was going the wrong direction since it seemed to be taking too long.

Which leads us to the next “non-negotiable”:

Non -negotiable #5: Trusting ourselves and doing what’s right for us.

It’s time to start trusting ourselves. To be honest, we’re going to have to regain some credibility. We’ve spent our lives trusting so-called “experts’ and authorities that we don’t dare believe our own spirits when they speak to us. It’s time to reduce the time watching tv, listening to music all day on our I pods, or waiting for Doctor Oz to approve what’s okay to eat or what supplement to take. We have to research and study and take our lives into our own hands. This is a process, so those of us who are already doing this need to take it to the next level and those who haven’t even started need to begin questioning the so-called wisdom of our doctors, religious leaders, dentists, and government. Then we have to begin sayin NO to things they want us to do that doesn’t make sense or feel right to us.

It’s time to stand up for ourselves. We intuitively know what’s best for us. And it’s time we started believing it.

And let me say that what’s in our best interests is often not in the best interests of government, corporations, big Pharma, Food Inc. and other people. We need to protect our personal freedom to proper and be happy.

Sending love to you all,
“Idomewed!”

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self blame

I’m learning to be human.

Sounds simple, but the simplest things are hardest sometimes.

In this marriage with myself, it can often mirror a relationship with someone else–trying to be perfect.

Do these sound familiar?

—If I go on this diet, I’ll lose weight and be liked more
—If I stop making this mistake, I’ll be okay;life will be okay
—If I….

At the core of it, I have this feeling that if I am perfect, then I will be loved unconditionally. Not only that, but Life will be perfect, my relationships will be perfect, I’ll be accepted and not corrected and I won’t disappoint anyone….

Wish me luck.

I’m starting to internalize the fact that I am only human. And that being human is not a bad thing.

Let’s get philosophical for a minute.

What if being human means vulnerability? What if this fragile-ness, this ability to not only succeed but to fail, to rise but to fall, to laugh but cry is the whole point of it all?

What if the key to perfection is embracing our imperfection?

What if being weak really does make us strong?

You know what’s been funny right now? Is that the more I just accept the fact that I feel weak, vulnerable, unsure and other “negative” emotions in my life; the more I realize that I don’t have the answers to my own dilemmas, the more I feel free.

The better and more secure I am in my relationship with ME.

Maybe I’m not supposed to be prefect. Maybe-just maybe-I’m supposed to simply BE.

How about you?

Until we meet again,
“Idomewed!”

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worthiness You know, guys, I had a revelation recently. I realized that-in my own personal universe at least-that there is a distinct difference between being DESERVING of something and being WORTHY.

This matters-again, at least in my corner of the Universe- with everything.

Let me break it down:

For starters, we often confuse WORTHINESS with DESERVING on a self-esteem level.

Example: Are we WORTHY of having the life we desire or are we DESERVING of it?

Another example: Are we WORTHY of earning more money or being financially wealthy or are we DESERVING of it?

Another one close to home:

Are we WORTHY of being in a loving, dynamic relationship with our soulmate…or are we DESERVING of it?

Let’s define the two:

We are ALL worthy of good things; we are worthy of having whatever our hearts desire-whatever it is. WORTHINESS stems from each person’s natural birthright to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”. By our very nature, we are more than flesh bodies, male or female or even our personalities. We are of the very fabric of all there is-divine born of divine…or as scripture says, “word became flesh”.

By that alone, we are worthy.

However…..

Deserving is a tad different. As I said, we often confuse the two. But are we DESERVING of having the life we desire? Are we DESERVING of being in a loving, dynamic relationship with our soulmate?

The answer is: it depends.

It depends on us-on whether we are up to the task, so to speak. See, I believe that while WORTHINESS is inherent–a spiritual quality, DESERVING is earned..

While we are WORTHY of being in an amazing soulmate relationship, we may not be DESERVING of one. While we may be WORTHY of being financially wealthy or having that dream career, we may not be DESERVING of it yet.

In other words, we have to:

1. Be a vibrational match to what we are worthy of, i.e. what we want.

2. Similar to #1, be on the same wavelength as what we want.

3. Do the necessary preparation emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually for what we want.

With #1 and #2, DESERVING means that we have to have our belief systems in order. It also means that we have our thoughts on the same page, too. For example, if we have a core belief in our subconscious mind that love = pain, then we will energetically repel love from ourselves. OR we will self-sabotage it even if it does show up. We have to also be thinking dominant thoughts that will attract and create what it is we seek. Thoughts like, “I am worthy of love” or “I am so thankful for love coming into my life”.

With #3, we must do what Lenon Honor (www.lenonhonor.com) calls PHP: PURIFICATION, HEALING & PREPARATION.

Purification: Purifying our environment, intenally and externally. Learning to say “I do” to ourselves! Cultivating self-love within ourselves, learning and appreciating who we are, practicing self-respect, honoring our feelings, honoring our time, and just honoring ourselves overall. Instead of reading celebrity gossip blogs, we can choose to read blogs like this one. To ask ourselves with each decision we make (what we watch on t.v.-or IF we should continue watching t.v.-what we read, what music we listen to, what we spend our “free” time doing, and who we hang out with) is this decision going to help us or harm us? Does it come from self-love or a need for escapism? Is what I’m choosing to do getting me closer to my dreams and goals or is it holding me back from them?

Healing: Instead of escapism with drugs, shopping, sex or entertainment (or all of them combined in some scenarios) DESERVING means facing our fears, our pain and traumas for the purpose of healing them. Hurt people hurt people and until we heal, we will only continue the cycle.

Shameless plug here: I have a powerful e-book on healing called “How do I get Over it? A practical Guide to letting go of the Past”. (Click on the link if you want to know more). I take a very unique, practical and non-traditional approach to forgiveness and it has changed my life. If you’re struggling with unforgiveness and past pain, I recommend checking it out.

But back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Preparation: These are the practical action steps we take to prepare ourelves for what it is we desire. If it is a romantic soulmate relationship, there are many ways to prepare. I mean, if we are traveling out of town, we prepare, right? We pack a bag with what we need. If we are having people over for dinner we prepare by getting the food, making dinner, setting up the dinnertable and cleaning the house.

It is the same with preparing for what we want. We practice dressing better, having a better attitude, cleaning our house regularly, reading books on how to have positive strong relationships, and anything else to prepare us for meeting our dream mate.

And that goes for anything. We must deserve things by matching our dedication, determination, discipline, time management, and focus to what we want. We have to put in the work along with visualizing and believing what we want is already there.

Enough shared for today.
Sending you peace & internal ease,
“Ido-mewed!”

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road less traveled

On this life journey, I’m at a place where I’m here to report some startling news:

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH EVERYTHING.

Yes.

What I mean is this:

If you are someone on a personal quest for righteousness-be it with your physical health, your diet (what you eat and/or how you eat it), manifesting the life you want (spouses, relationships, houses, cars, finances, peace of mind, etc.) or some kind of spiritual enlightenment (meditation, religious practices, etc.) then you’ve probably noticed something. (And if you haven’t noticed it, then you sense it but can’t put your finger on it yet)….

That “it” is that THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH EVERYTHING.

That means:

one-what you do will never be enough

two-there will always be different people saying their way is right and that their way works.

three-Like #2, there will be diametrically opposing thoughts, ideas, methods, laws, beliefs causing frustration and confusion among those seeking truth

At this point on my journey, I’m beginning to realize something: TRUTH IS RELATIVE.

I have some new “truths” I go by now-some very recently. Here they are:

one-BE CRITICAL THINKERS. USE YOUR INTERNAL DIVINELY-BESTOWED FACULTIES TO FORM YOUR OWN BELIEF SYSTEMS IN LIFE. THESE “DIVINE” FACULTIES INCLUDE YOUR INTUTITION, YOUR INTELLECT, YOUR ABILITY TO DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS THROUGH DEDUCTION AND INDUCTION OF INFORMATION AND TO ULTIMATELY CONNECT THE DOTS OF WHAT YOU’RE SEEING, HEARING, OR READING.

two-QUESTION EVERYTHING. DON’T GIVE GURUS, HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITIES, POLITICIANS, LIFE COACHES, “EXPERTS”, DOCTOR OZ, LUMINARIES, OR ANY SUPPOSED “AUTHORITY FIGURES” THE POWER TO MOLD YOUR REALITY FOR YOU. REMEMBER, EVERYTHING YOU SEE OR READ IS JUST INFORMATION TO BE INTERPRETED. HOW YOU INTERPRET IT IS WHAT MAKES YOU YOU. PROBLEM IS, WE’RE TOLD HOW TO INTERPRET INFORMATION, WHICH COMPROMISES OUR PERSONAL INTERGRITY AND FREE WILL. DRAW YOU OWN CONCLUSIONS. NOBODY IS SUPPOSED TO AGREE 100 PERCENT ON EVERYTHING! THERE’S A WORD FOR THAT-IT’S CALLED CLONING.

three-TREAT TRUTH LIKE A BUFFET; FILL YOUR “PLATE” WITH ONLY THE THINGS YOU WANT, NEED, AND THAT TASTE GOOD TO YOU. I KNOW, WE’VE BEEN BRAINWASHED TO BELIEVE TRUTH IS THIS UNIVERSAL ABSOLUTE THING FOR EVERYONE AND IT IS WRONG TO “PICK AND CHOOSE” BUT THAT IS A COMPLETE LIE.

four-STAND UP FOR YOURSELF; NO LONGER ALLOW OTHER PEOPLE’S TRUTHS TO COMPROMISE YOUR FREE WILL TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN. THIS ALSO MEANS NOT ALLOWING THEM TO JUDGE YOU BASED ON THEIR BELIEFS AND PERCEPTIONS OF REALITY. REMEMBER, WE’RE ALL SEARCHING AND GROWING. I’VE SEEN PEOPLE SO ANIMATE THAT THEIR WAY WAS TRUE TURN AROUND AND DENOUNCE THE SAME “TRUTH” A SHORT TIME LATER UNDER THE GUISE OF “NEW DEVELOPMENTS”. I WOULD GET SO PISSED OFF AT THESE PEOPLE, THINKING THEM TO BE HYPOCRITES AND SOMETIMES HUSTLERS TO THE MASSES OF PEOPLE WHO CONVENIENTLY GIVE THEMSELVES A WAY OUT AT EVERY CONTRADICTION TO BENEFIT THEMSELVES.

BUT I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GIVING THEM THAT KIND OF POWER OVER ME, ANYWAY. THEY CAN SAY WHAT THEY WANT, IT’S MY CHOICE TO BELIEVE THEM.

I get that now. And I hope more of us start getting it.

I’m starting to question EVERYTHING. I mean even the stuff that is deemed unquestionable.

I did that with religion. I was ex-communicated.

Now I’m doing that with Universal Laws. I’m beginning to wonder if these Uniersal Laws are solid as they say or if that is just their belief in them being unchangable is what makes them unchangable. In short, I’m wondering if our power of BELIEF is more than we’ve been told.

You probably have your own “ponderings” from things you’ve observed. My advice is to join me in following those leads. I think we’re onto something.

In “Idomewed” fashion, remember to say “I do” to yourself first-now and always.

Have a blessed holiday season, too 🙂

Love,
Helen

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