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Posts Tagged ‘self-empowerment’

stress 2

A teen posted this tweet recently and it got me to thinking.

The tweet looked like this:

The Worst Feelings:

Cheated on
Replaced
Over-thinking
Lied to
Led on
Not appreciated
Not cared for
Being left out
Ignored
Worrying

I don’t think teens are the only ones whose emotions are running their lives.

I am definitely not exempt.

Well, I have my own list of feelings that you may not be consciously aware of that may be ruining your life:

abandoned
resentful
unloved
unappreciated
unworthy
unwanted
shame
embarrassment
guilt
powerless

How these may be ruining your life:

feeling abandoned: makes you feel and continue to manifest “being all alone in the world”. Life may always feel like an uphill battle-you know, the “nothing goes my way” experience. You may be in constant self-defense mode and struggle with trusting people.

feeling resentful: makes you feel and continue to manifest inner conflict. Usually the person is in a situation where they cannot immediately change or walk away. It may mean we feel victims of our situations and we despise those who we see as oppressing us.

feeling unloved: makes you feel and continue to manifest being unloved. You may wrestle with severe to mild depression, suicide or isolation. You may as a result feel as if you don’t matter, that you don’t have any value. You may feel heartbroken and emotionally weak and may put yourself in bad situations with people who mean you no good in your quest for the unconditional love you never received.

feeling unappreciated: makes you feel that no matter what you do, it’s never enough.

feeling unworthy: makes you feel that you don’t deserve to experience good in your life. This can manifest as self-sabotage when it comes to opportunities or relationships.

feeling unwanted: makes you feel unloved and unworthy. This may manifest in some form of rebellion from others since they never felt wanted anyway. A huge disconnect from the heart.

feeling shame: makes you feel perpetual guilt. You may view yourself as unworthy of anything good because you are bad for whatever it is you or someone else say you did “wrong”.

feeling embarrassment: you may feel super self-conscious about yourself or what you do. You may be a slave to what other people think of you.

feeling guilt: see shame.

feeling powerless: makes you feel as if you can’t do it; makes you feel as if you can’t succeed; makes you feel as if whatever you do, it’s never good enough; that your life is not under your control; that what works for everyone else won’t work for me. You may struggle with deep feelings of helplessness and “hating’ on people who do what you do but get what they want while you don’t.

More to come….
Peace

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aha moment

Recently I had a revelation:

My interpretations create my reality.

Let me explain.

This is not a new concept, but it’s something that we can intellectually understand but still not get on a heart level.

That, my friends, was me.

I believed in the saying that “our thoughts create our reality” but it took time to really internalize such a lofty concept into real life.

The same goes with our interpretations.

The other day I was doing a self-help exercise that I discovered online. (I can’t remember how I came across the guy’s website, but the point is I found it).

And it was good. Real good.

Then came the point in the exercise where I had a revelation.

In one fantastic, deliciously beautiful, “lightbulb” moment, I realized that my reality is created by my interpretation of what I see and experience. Perceptions are real for us, but the trick is to understand that just because it’s real for us doesn’t mean it’s a fact. Believe it or not, there are other ways of seeing things.

The great thing about perception is that is isn’t right or wrong. It just is.

Let me explain some more.

As children, we develop core beliefs about ourselves from our parents, for example.

Certain situations stick in our subconscious minds. Maybe you remember when you were learning to ride a bike and how your father screamed at you every time you fell down. Memories are linked with emotion. In fact, whatever the emotion was that we felt when we fell down and we were berated for it, our minds interpreted what that situation meant.

The mind attributes meaning to every situation and circumstance. It has to make sense of it. As children, we are not aware of this and so whatever we interpret the situation to mean is what is created and buried deep in our subconscious. Then as we grow up, we keep attracting, creating, and/or manifesting the same kinds of experiences to reinforce the interpretation our minds have already been imprinted with.

Let’s go even deeper.

You interpreted your Dad yelling at you for falling down as what? What meaning did you give it at that moment that entrenched itself in your subconscious mind?

Was it that failing is bad?

Or that when you fail you aren’t loved?

Remember, the mind is trying to make sense of a situation. So when your father is yelling at you for falling down and perhaps not getting it right the first time, your mind is piecing it together, like 1 + 1 = 2.

Like this: When I try anything new (riding a bike) and I fall down (a failure) it results in me getting yelled at (a negative response) and I feel bad (feeling attached to trying something new). That means:

A. I shouldn’t try anything new because it has bad consequences

B. I am not worthy unless I am perfect and make no mistakes

C. I have to do things right the first time, unless I’m a failure.

D. I’m a failure who can’t do anything right.

But what if that was just our interpretation of the event?

What if that is the meaning we assigned to it but not the reality of it?

Remember, our perceptions create our reality. So let’s shift our interpretation of the event.

When I try anything new (riding a bike) and I fall down (part of learning something new) my Dad yelled at me because he thought it would make me try harder and learn faster. It wasn’t because I was a failure or I wasn’t learning fast enough. It was how his father taught him to ride a bike.

This choice of interpretation empowers us rather than belittles us. Feelings are real, but they are not reality! We can feel hurt by someone simply because we misinterpreted the situation to mean something the other person didn’t.

Just because we feel a certain way as a response to what someone says, how they say it or what they do, that is our interpretation of it. This puts the power in our hands because we can choose to see things a different way. The key is to see things the way that will benefit us the most. If a woman (the little girl learning to ride her bike all grown up) hears her husband speak to her and feels his tone is harsh, it most likely will activate the emotion from learning to ride her bike and her Dad yelling at her. She will automatically react emotionally to the tone of his voice and the interpretations listed above (i.e. I’m a failure and can’t do anything right) will resurface.

But, if this woman can deconstruct and rebuild her interpretations of the situation, she can reassign a new meaning to a “harsh” tone and can see the situation more clearly. She won’t assume that she is a failure and isn’t worthy of love when she makes mistakes. She won’t internalize it and make it about her.

This, my friends, was a huge “aha!” for me-and I hope it is for you, too.

Until next time,

Wishing you peace and internal ease, “Idomewed”!

Helen

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