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Archive for November, 2013

A few of my favorite ways to love myself during the holiday season:

– saying no to family pressures

-eating wholesome versions of holiday foods

-not judging myself for anything I feel, think, do..or eat (unless I find myself camping outside the mall at 3 A.M. on Black Friday)

-trusting myself to make good choices

-giving myself a big hug

-reflecting and writing about all the things I am grateful for

-dreaming and planning for the future as a new calendar year arrives

Enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday, I do me wedders!

PS. I no longer subscribe to holidays, but I’m not anti-holidays, either. I follow my own path but I do subscribe to the holiday spirit of giving, gratitiude and love. So sending lots of love whether you follow the masses in holiday parties and events with family or friends or if you’re doing your own thing your own way. After all, you’re never alone. You’ve got you!

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jesus smoking

I’ve come to the conclusion that this concept of moralism (good versus evil) is the most deadly virus on the planet.

It KILLS our self-esteem, our self-worth and severs our connection with ourselves.

How?

Glad you asked.

When we feel something is “right or wrong” it means we are judging it. When we judge, we separate ourselves from that thing. We also become blind to our own reflection, because usually the very thing we are judging as “bad, evil or wrong” is what we really see in ourselves.

Historically speaking, Morals were meant to keep humanity in check. (for who?) Morals automatically degrade us from infinte spiritual beings in a physical body down to an animal who cannot be self-ruled and self-governed. Morals replace our ability to be masters and mistresses of our own destiny.

I struggled with this “staying neutral” idea at first. It seemed impossible to do in real life and I felt somewhat restricted. But over time, it became more clear that not placing judgments is a freedom not a restriction. Morality labels everything as “good or bad” and making all these judgments is mentally exhausting. We get so frustrated over what other people are doing and how it’s hurting the environment or it’s hurting their health or their children. We waste alot of energy getting upset and worrying over such things. This hurts us and oftentimes makes us sick or we feel superior to someone we see on the news doing something “bad”. Morality, ultimately, is the sugar that feeds the fungus that is our ego.

Because while we’re sitting there judging someone else, we could actually be doing something about it.

It’s a terrible thing when we feel we are a bad, terrible person because we committed a particular act or had a particular thought that is deemed unacceptable by society. That’s another thing moralism and judgment does: it robs us of our individuality. What is “right” or “wrong” is a consensus rather than an individual decision. It makes us slaves to what other people think about us.

See, what I am learning is that what we have been conditioned to see as “right” or “wrong”, “good” or “evil” or “okay” and “unacceptable” is really what is beneficial or detrimental to us. A true moral decision is one where you discern whether something is right for you or if it will harm you.

Since I’ve been laying off the judging people, life has been alot better. My marraige with me, myself and I has been going smoother, too.

Practice not labeling or judging others—and especially yourself. It’s when we stop judging ourselves that we stop judging others.

Until we meet again, love!
Keep the love alive!
Say “I do!” to you!
Lots of love,
Helen

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yoda

I’ve been wondering for a while about the whole mentorship concept. Partly because many of the personal development luminaries I have been following (like Bob Proctor, Tony Robbins, Les Brown, etc. etc.) always talk about having a mentor and how critical it is to succeeding in life. As Tony Robbins puts it, “Success leaves clues”.

I however, on my “Idomewed” journey, have had to begin asking myself if this is really relevant or realistic for me personally. For years I have been exerting the effort to get this “dream mentor” like you see in the movies— like the Karate Kid or something where this wise old sage pushes me into greatness. And, well, it just hasn’t manifested that way.

This could be because I have some limiting beliefs surrounding this. I know my parents consciously not supporting me because of the “if it was good enough for me it’s good enough for you” mentality I was raised with did a number on my belief that older people would be willing to actually support me.

If that is the case, then I’ve got some other more pressing core beliefs on the docket right now that need my full attention, so it’s going to have to wait.

In the meantime, I’m still wondering if the mentorship model is still relevant today in 2013 and beyond. I’m currently thinking that the PRINCIPLE is a universal one, but how it actually looks in real life is totally different than the “Madmen” days of the Bob Proctors, Earl Nightengales, Napolean Hills, Zig Ziglars and the Les Browns.

This is the information age, where there is the internet and online webinars and e-books. What I find ironic is that these same people talking about how they had these “free of charge” one-on-one mentorship relationships resembling Luke Skywalker and Yoda are the same ones holding mentorship programs today. Bob Proctor’s mentorship program (The Matrixx)–for example— runs at least $6,000 per person-plus travel and room-and board expenses.

Nothing wrong with that. Earning money is great and they deserve to be valued for what they offer the world…

But I gotta think this through here:

So today’s mentorship looks like this: You gotta pay to play and you don’t get one-on-one intimate relationship with your mentor. You are part of a group and if you’re lucky you get one of Tony Robbins’ “trained certified coaches”.

Umm..no thanks.

This isn’t the same mentorship of the past. And I think that we have to approach it differently. I say this because I used to feel guilty for not being able to hold onto a mentor and land that “Yoda” of my own. I was driven, I was wet behind the ears, I was serious, committed, eager to soak up all the wisdom I could find…I was all the things a mentor would want in a student…

50 years ago.

Today, the ideal mentee is someone already successful who just needs help taking it to the next level. This new mentorship game isn’t for beginners starting out. Even the internship world has become tainted, with poverty-conscious business owners pimping college kids and other neophytes through so-called “internships” which in the modern workforce is really a cover for free labor under the guise of “experience” and “looking great on your resume'”.

So, where does that leave the rest of us still at the starting line? What do WE do?

I think, for starters, we embrace the reality that mentorship has changed since the olden days. Now we have to figure out how to gain mentorship on our own terms and we don’t feel as if we somehow failed if we don’t have this mentor person directly guiding us along. We are going to have to become our own mentors. I know for me, I consider reading books, listening to audiobooks and watching seminars as me being personally mentored.

In a sense, it has to be this way now because back then, there wasn’t a Google where you can find any information you wanted with the tap of a key. So the side effect of this is that we have to be pro-active about seeking out the information we need. That’s why saying “I do” to ourselves is so important, because when we love ourselves and we CARE about ourselves we will be committed to ourselves—meaning in this case, we will make the time to research, study, clean up our thoughts or any limiting beliefs holding us back to be our own mentors. We must be our own cheerleaders or coaches or “Yoda”.

Technically speaking, to get a bit “woo-woo” here, no human mentor can replace the universal mentors—our HIGHER SELVES, or what some call universal intelligence or what others refer to as the Infinite Mind.

The moral of the story: We are the mentors we’ve been looking for.

Until next time,
Sending you peace & internal ease,
“Idomewed!”

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follow dreams

Today I am sharing a Friday Story by Chris Chickering on how he made his dreams come true. **courtesy of http://www.bobproctor.com

Enjoy.

The Crazy Crazy Ones

Over 20 years ago, when I was in college I created a bucket list. At the very top of that list I wrote down the words: I want to become a recording artist. — And I have to be honest, when I wrote it, I thought that goal was nearly impossible for me to achieve. I could crank out a good Rolling Stones cover on my guitar and could rock the house at parties, but didn’t have the first clue about how to write a song, let alone one that might eventually make it on the radio…but I wrote it down anyway, because I decided to believe some crazy guy I’d heard at a seminar shouting about how you HAVE TO create a bucket list and fill it with grand visions, and how people that write their goals down achieve them 97% of the time.

As the years rolled by, I was able to knock a number of dreams off the list, but that one dream I really wanted – my crazy recording artist dream remained an impossible enigma. Until one day, about 7 years ago, when I finally realized something about myself:

The reason I kept putting off my #1 dream was I had been carrying around some major self-limiting beliefs in regards to my ability to pull it off including:

· You aren’t talented enough

· It will fail eventually so why try?

· They’ll find you are a fraud eventually

· You don’t deserve it.

· You really don’t want that anyway

And in that moment of self-awareness, a strange thing happened: the part of me that believed I could do it – that part of me that wrote the dream down in the first place – finally won over and I made the decision to take the first step by producing one of my songs: Stay.

Since that point, 50 songs, two albums and a website later, I have learned that what seems so scary and ”impossible,” really isn’t so. The key is to just take the first step and never stop taking those steps, ever, and to realize – if you have been putting off one of your dreams or are trying to forget you even had one! – Then there is a good chance you might be carrying around some false self-limiting beliefs and programming too.

So take a little time to look inside and see what’s going on in your head. Why have you put off your dream? Why has your dream stalled? Instead of listening to the surface excuses, get quiet and listen deeper to the self limiting beliefs that might reside within you…and bring those to the surface. Think about your dream, then try my self-limiting beliefs above on for size and see how they fit. Painful, isn’t it?

I empathize: achieving your dreams is not easy, but guess what: You can start. You can start right now manifesting your crazy dream, today. There is still nothing stopping you and so I’m going to encourage you right now to take the first step towards your “impossible” dream, and never stop taking those steps, ever.

That’s the decision I made, and today I am accomplishing things I never thought possible including hearing my songs on the radio all because I finally made the decision to step outside my comfort zone and take action!

So! If you’re sick and tired of putting your dream off, here’s some heart-felt advice:

· #1 – Take action. You may stumble. You may fall, you might even go backwards, but keep going. You will learn along the way and eventually succeed.

· To avoid getting overwhelmed, break down your “to do” list into extremely small tasks, and be sure to pat yourself on the back for every single task you complete. Don’t expect anyone else to pat you on the back. If they do great, but do not let this impact how you feel one way or the other. Your emotions are determined by how you think about what you are doing.

· Ideally (but not totally necessary) find a mentor who has successfully done it before. It will make your journey smoother.

· Create or revamp a bucket list and fill it with GRAND visions and dreams.

· Wake up every day and make some progress towards your dream every day.

· Make “do it now” your mantra. Do not put off for tomorrow what can be done right now.

· Surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams, and people who are doing the same in their life.

· Realize: success is a marathon not a sprint.

· To get your internal game where it needs to be, create positive mantras, write them down, make them your screen saver and paste them on your bathroom mirror. Don’t know what to write? Try these on for size:

o I deserve it and am destined to achieve greatness as long as I put the work in.

o I am an unstoppable force for good.

o The only failure is giving up.

o The joy is in the journey.

I sincerely hope you take the first step now towards your dream. You will not regret it, I promise, and know this: when you take steps towards your dream and your higher-self, you are doing a great service to the world and everyone around you, because guess what? Everyone has fear and self-doubt about achieving their grandest desires, so when you move towards your crazy-dream, you show others by example that their crazy-dream is possible to achieve as well.

To the greatness within,

Chris Chickering

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split personality

Me, myself and I are in marriage counseling….sort of.

We are trying to get to the root of what is slowing down our dreams. And we have some big dreams, too-a big house, big car, big bank account, big vacations….you get the picture.

We have the love thing down for the most part. We have developed new habits of gratitude every single day. We are so thankful for each other and what we already have.

So, what’s the problem?

We are still struggling paying for grocery bills and such basic things.

Still.

And that is why we are in marraige counseling, because there are obviously some things holding us from all the good we desire and deserve.

***This, of course, doesn’t take into account all the proverbial seeds planted by changes we’ve been making in our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We currently have no idea what manifestations are on their way.

With that out of the way, I was reading a blog by Monty Leftkoe (creator of the Leftkoe Method) that I find is excellent at helping people (including myself) identify and change limiting core beliefs.

Here is a list of limiting core beliefs from his latest blog post:

1.Mistakes and failure are bad.
2.I’m not good enough.
3.Change is difficult.
4.I’m not important.
5.What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me.
6.Nothing I do is good enough.
7.I’m not capable.
8.I’m not competent.
9.I’m inadequate.
10.If I make a mistake or fail I’ll be rejected.
11.I’m a failure.
12.I’m stupid.
13.I’m not worthy.
14.I’ll never get what I want.
15.I’m powerless.
16.People aren’t interested in what I have to say.
17.What I have to say isn’t important.
18.It’s dangerous to have people put their attention on me (something bad will happen).
19.What makes me good enough or important is doing things perfectly.

Quite a list, isn’t it?

And everyone has at least one on here.

Today I(we) were reflecting on this list and I easily recognized the belief “Nothing I do is good enough” and “I’m powerless” as the ones at the root of why with all my efforts, I haven’t created the life I desired—especially concerning the wealth, health and success part. It definitely is beckoning me to explore this cave and see where I end up.

This is “the work” the personal development folks keep telling us about. And if we love ourselves, we will be worth the time, energy, patience and all else it requires to shift things around in our favor. Many times we think, “I don’t have time for all that” or “it’s too hard”. What we don’t realize is that when we make those silent declarations, we are sending the message to ourselves that we aren’t worthy of happiness, fulfillment, joy, peace, money, comfort, love/companionship et. al.

In other words, we are in essence telling ourselves that we don’t give a SHIT what we want, feel or think.

When we get up in the morning to go to a job we hate, that’s what we’re saying.

When we settle for a marraige or romantic partner that isn’t what we truly want, that’s what we’re telling ourselves.

When we force ourselves to go to a social event that we don’t want to go to, that’s what we’re telling ourselves.

And after a while, we treat ourselves this way for so long, that we become calloused to other people deep down inside. Some of us become desensitized and hurt or manipulate other people to get our way because, after all, we don’t have the freedom to have what we want, so why should they?

Alot of resentment inside, ya know?

My journey has been exploring these core beliefs and dealing with them head-on and I encourage you to as well in your own life. This is the road less traveled and the path to freedom is always the one few are on.

We each have a choice.

It’s hard to comprehend, since we’ve been brainwashed to believe that we have no control over our lives, or our circumstances. We are bred to be disjointed, the inner parts of ourselves compartmentalized like an apartment building. What we think has become contrary to what we say and what we say has become hypocritical to what we do.

We think we have to take care of our physical bodies but we light up a cigarette instead.

We feel lonely and misunderstood but we say we are doing fine.

We say we want love but when love shows up we push it away.

It’s time for some alignment. Getting me, myself and I on the same page.

More to write. Not enough time in a day.

Hope it helps.

Until next time,
Keep learning, loving, living!
“Idomewed!”

Helen XOXO

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personality tyoe

I had to keep writing about the manifestation topic, because most people are wrestling with being broke and not having enough.

After the movie “The Secret” came out, it was expected for us to have an economic explosion of abundance.

Whoops!

I mean, isn’t it reasonable to hope that the masses of people would have a lightbulb moment and begin to create the life of their dreams? All they were missing is the information, right?

I guess not.

After “The Secret” came out, a slew of Law of Attraction gurus and their books, seminars and programs were not far behind. The Life Coaching industry took off like gangbusters. These gurus were here to help us get why The Secret wasn’t working for us the first time.

And many people are still broke.

I must say that I’m eternally grateful for all the work the Law of Attraction teachers have invested-even the hustlers. The world needed to hear the message. I needed it.

But now, some of us are still at the same place we were when we first started on this manifestation journey. Or we have had breakthroughs but it isn’t reflective of the work we have put in and we’re frustrated. We’re also stumped, scratching our heads wondering why if we’re doing what the coach says, we’re doing our affirmations, cleaning up our thoughts, working with crystals, candles, reading every book on prosperity we can find… then why are we still not seeing the materialized results?

One–it takes time. There is a period of gestation. Seeds get planted and require a certain amount of time for them to grow.

We forget that we bring our personality into our manifestation habits. Everyone is different and what creating your ideal life looks like (or requires) will vary person to person.

Jack may have manifested that dream house in 4 weeks. You may be a year in and twiddling your fingers still.

Maybe Jack and you are 2 different people. What Jack didn’t mention in his testimony is that he used to be a real estate planner and while at a business conference he was introduced to the real estate agent who would find him his house.

You, on the other hand, are on welfare and living on food stamps. You don’t even know what a real estate planner is. You have only worked as a cashier at Starbucks.

What I’m saying is, you and Jack have differing starting points. Jack had a closer distance to jump financially and he was more prime for meeting an agent since he already was running in those circles. You, on the other hand, are starting from scratch.

I hope that makes sense.

What if we all have manifestation personalities? What if these personalities-or traits-influence how we manifest and how quickly we manifest?

There can be several types:

Type A: The “nuts-n-bolts” personality.

This personality doesn’t do well with “pie-in-the-sky” ideas and lofty universal concepts. It is difficult for them to grasp what it means to create your own reality because they are geared to comprehending things on a practical level. These are the people who welcome the message of manifestation prinicples like Law of Attraction but once they hear it, they need to know what Step One is. In fact, they need to have a practical action plan to execute in order to be successful. Otherwise they get kinda stuck in pergatory.

See, some people like a friend of mine, don’t need a practical plan. It’s not that she doesn’t take action, it’s just more “mystical” if you will–in the sense that she listens to Spirit (God, her higher self whatever you want to name it) to guide her step- by- step and waits for the inspiration to take action and what action that needs to be taken.

This is too “flaky” for the “nuts-n-bolt” personality type, who needs to figure out what action needs to be taken NOW. This type of manifestor is most effective taking some kind of action to set the ball in motion, beit making lists, writing down goals, creating vision boards, and similar action steps to connect to the feeling of what they desire–as we know that it’s about matching the vibration of what we want to be able to receive it.

The one caveat with this type is that they need to be cautious of using sheer will to forge ahead and create things, because they may get it that way but it’s better to be in flow with the universe. They need to learn to balance out too much action with releasing the outcome and allowing what they want to come into their lives.

Type B: The perfectionist “get it right” personality.

I really relate to this one. The perfectionist personality has a “healing crisis” relationship with manifestation principles like Law of Attraction. Unlike the “nuts-n-bolts” personality, the perfectionist has a inclination towards beating themselves up. When unchecked or unresolved, they hold an unreasonable expectation of themselves (usually due to being expected to be perfect or to always get it right the first time as a child in order to be valued).

This type doesn’t allow itself permission to just be where they are or feel how they feel without judgment. They are always unhappy with their manifestation progress. Perfectionists easily hold resistance to creating due to the pressure they place on themselves and the fact that they lack patience for the gestation time for something to manifest.

If he or she is desiring a romantic partner (soulmate) for example, they do all the practical action steps and then get discouraged or frustrated that it isn’t working. They’ve made the vision board, do their visualizations every day of how it will feel with their partner– and a bunch of other stuff– with no results-well, no results yet because to them it’s taking too long. Remember, this type was never granted patience to do something themselves, so they are inclined to be the same way with themselves–or the Universe. “Trusting the Univese” is a foreign concpet because they aren’t used to anyone being willing to help them. They feel they have to figure out the details on their own.

They also tend to compare themselves to others who have what they want using the same methods. As a result, they tend to struggle with why the same methods haven’t worked for them. To be successful with manifestation, perfectionists need to worry less about the “nuts and bolts” and more about accepting themselves. The more they accept themselves for their flaws and shortcomings while learning to appreciate and celebrate what they do well, the more in line they will be vibrationally to waht they want. Remember, these are the self-motivated people who can take practical action in their sleep.

and

Type C: The Obsessive Zealot (OZ) personality.

The obsessive personality type is the all-or nothing person. Unchecked, they can go overboard and either totally submerge themselves into something to the point of burnout or be completely lackidaisical and half-hearted on the other end. The “OZ”s are the ones who say the Law of Attraction priciples are a load of crap if they obsess over it and don’t get the desired results.

“OZ”s tend to be extremely whimsical. They are the ones who jump on the bandwagon of the hot trends and ride that wagon till the wheels fall off. They also tend not to be specific. They want a soulmate but they are so whimsical they don’t take the quiet time to get clear on what exactly they want as far as a soulmate goes. The nuts and bolts stuff bogs them down and they feel too structured, as if the action steps will hinder the magic of manifestation.

To be successful, “OZ”s must slow themselves down and ground themselves. The question must be asked: Why am I doing this? What exactly do I want? They must practice intellectualizing (using the left brain) to utilize logic along with their unstructured, care-free personality. If this sounds like you, understand that no, you don’t HAVE to write a list of goals or make a vision board to get what you want–you tend to be easy manifestors due to your carefree nature, which has no resistance.

I have a friend like this. She gets what she wants alot by just “wishing upon a star”, jotting down something one night in her journal and it shows up in several days, weeks or months. Meanwhile, I’m over here with my lists, vision boards and affirmations in expectation mode, anticipating the same things.

The tricky part is, “OZ”s get what they want quickly, but it can hurt them on the back end. Because they resist the “nuts and bolts” stuff, they can end up with less than what they could have gotten if they got focused enough to be specific with what they want. And if they took the time to get grounded like the Perfectionist needs to and figure out their flaws and strengths, what their core beliefs are that is impacting their lives today and similar internal issues, it would really positively impact what they manifest and also the quality of their lives–which tends to be of the “flying by the seat of their pants” variety.

*****************************************

I’m sure there are more pesonality types—- and as with all “types”, people can always be more than one. But it’s something to think about. It may be the reason why you’re not manifesting what you want-despite doing everything right. It’s like when you can’t lose the extra weight on your body no matter how much you diet and exercise. This is where “Idomewed” comes in, because when you know yourself, i.e. your personality, then you can figure out how to best go about applying the manifestation principles to attract the prosperity into your life that you’ve been waiting for.

Sending you peace & internal ease,
“Idomewed!”
Helen

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spending money on you 2

Hook: “Gotta have a j-o-b if ya wanna be with me! Ain’t nuthin’ going on but the rent!”……..

Ahh, Gwen Guthrie’s “Aint’ Nuthin’ goin on but the rent”….One of my favorite songs from the 80’s. Granted I was what-like 12? And I don’t even agree with the lyrics necessarily, but it’s catchy.

This lyric inspired me to write. becuase as you know, it’s the first week of the month when most of us get paid. I was at Trader Joe’s today and it was packed.

Which leads me to ask the question: what does romance have to do with finance?

Well, we’re talking about self-love right now. This is the “Idomewed” blog where we say “I do” to ourselves, right? I am finding that how I spend money is a reflection on how I feel about me. It’s about INTENTION.

I began applying a common rule by the “prosperity teachers” of personal development like Napoleon Hill, Earl Nightengale, Wallace Wattles and the like:

Saving at least 10% of my income for myself and learning to live on the rest.

I was hesitant to do that for a long time. I thought,

“I hear ya. But I just don’t have enough to put aside like that….”

Meanwhile, I was growing in my relationship with myself and putting in the personal work to shift my “negative” thinking. This includes going back in time to uncover where I developed these lack-based beliefs that had me in financial depression [Still a work in progress INSERT HERE].

More money began coming in [Insert progree HERE]. And I continued putting away 10% each month.

It’s interesting, because now I have a little cushion to fall back on–and it helps ease the poverty mindset some… Also, it has had a positive impact on my self-esteem.

See, when you pay bills and everybody else before yourself it sends your mind the message that you don’t matter. But as humans our relationship with money is so twisted and messy that we view money as something that corrupts and also as something we don’t really deserve. C’mon-we probably have a whole laundry list of money hang-ups begging to be resolved….

The point I hope to make is that our finances DO have something to do with romance. I know the feeling of pinching pennies or shopping in the grocery store looking at price tags on food going, “Okay, I can get this and I’ll out this back for next time.”

It’s a fine line between having the money versus being wise and not having it and trying not to put your bank account in the negative (stay tuned for LOA manifestation post part deux, ’cause I’ve got more to share on that one). But I am finding that putting aside money for me feels GOOD. Because I deserve it. And I am providing for a better future-and present-for myself.

After all, isn’t that what marriage is about? Caring about and taking care (providing) for each other? And since we’re married first and foremost to ourelves, shouldn’t that be what we are dong for US?

Now here’s the twist: some of us have no qualms about spending money on ourelves. We’ve got a kitchen full of useless gadgets and a closet lined with red-bottom stilletos we never wear to prove it.

But I think it comes back to INTENT. See, when we shop frivilously, often it’s to fill some kind of void inside of us or try to use something external to make us happy. It’s over-compensating. That is not a healthy intent for me.

It’s another thing to put money aside for your needs and it stems from a love for yourself and your well-being. In other words, your spending money on you is to better your life, not be a panacea for low self-esteem and self-worth.

Hope that is making sense to somebody out there.

Keep living, loving, learning!
“Idomewed!”

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